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Signboard Outside A Prostitute ' s House:
Married MEN Not Allowed.
We Serve The Needy, Not The Greedy...
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Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don ' t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I ' m afraid it ' s too heavy.
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A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I ' ll have a scotch and soda."
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Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
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Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can ' t you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can ' t.
Waiter : Then does it really matter ?
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Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That ' s great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math ' s and 20 in science."
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Customer : Waiter, there ' s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
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Customer : Waiter, there ' s a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That ' s all right sir, he won ' t drink much.
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Waiter : I ' ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog ' s leg.
Customer : Don ' t tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
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Customer : Waiter, there ' s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
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Customer : Waiter, what ' s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn ' t know sir, I ' m a waiter, not a fortune teller.
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1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .
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Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
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Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren ' t you laughing?
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Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time
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